A Private Conversation Between Ms. DD and Me
I write my daily diary after finishing all my daily chores. My day ends with a card session of three games of rummy with RB and a video call with my younger son, who lives “saat samandar paar”. After that, I take a half an hour session of leg massage on the machine and this is the time I write in my diary. After sharing all my daily emotions with Ms DD (daily diary :)) and passing on every emotion and stress to her, I lie down with a book in my hand to have a peaceful sleep.
I was fast asleep when last night, I felt a knock on my left shoulder. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids were too heavy to sleep. After much effort, I could make out that it was Ms DD, her face was resembling so much like my mom’s. Then in another second, she is like my sister. Lo and behold, now she is resembling like my most trusted friend. I could see P’s face and CP’s face.
Maa patted me and I again went back to sleep. As I was slipping down into sleep, I saw DD again in my dreams and saw her taking the persona of my mommy. And we started a conversation.
Her hands were going through my hair. This touch of hers was divine. I have felt it after a lifetime. Yeah, 3 decades is long enough to be compared to a lifetime. It was such a serene feeling. Tears were coming out of my eyes. I felt it to be not a dream but a reality.
DD turned mommy – Why are you crying? You have been such a strong woman all through your life. You have taken all successes and failures in your stride. I am so proud of you!
Me – Oh Maa, how much I missed you all these years. This diary was my way of releasing my emotions in your absence.
Mommy – This is a great way to release your emotions. Always do that. This will keep you physically, emotionally and mentally strong and healthy.
And suddenly, I see the brown cover of DD with my name embossed on it in the golden alphabet.
I looked around for mom but she was nowhere to be seen.
Ms DD starts laughing.
DD – She has gone and I am the only constant in your life with whom you can share anything and everything without fear.
Me – Yeah, you are my best friend, my confidant. Without you, I would have been broken thousand times. Thanks for being there.
DD – Many times in these years, I wanted to share my views on what you shared. So, I thought of coming into your dreams, when everyone will be sleeping and we both can have a conversation without any intrusion.
Me – This is so wonderful of you. I never knew you have a heart. A heart, so full of love and concern about me.
DD – I have been your companion for decades now. I have observed and enjoyed your growth as a person, professional, mother, wife, sister, and friend. But now I see a tinge of gloom in your expression. I loved the time when you were totally immersed in bringing up and settling your kids. I felt proud when you managed affairs with both sides of your family. I was so happy to see your growth as a professional.
Me – Oh, really?
DD – Yes. At that point, I thought marriage life is the best to grow as a person. One learns to communicate, adjust, adapt, rise against upheavals, manage situations, control emotions and whatnot.
Me – yeah. I do agree with you.
DD – But now I see a tinge of sadness in whatever you share. Why is it so? I miss the joys and happiness you used to share earlier. Is life not treating you well? Or you are focussing only on the unhappiness around you? Dear, I am not only a diary, where you pour your heart out. I am also your confident, your well-wisher, and your conscience too.
Me – I guess, you are somewhat correct. After Covid days, as I have confined myself to the four walls, I think this has resulted in a sense of sadness in my heart and I am unable to overcome it. Maybe because it came so slowly that I could not see myself falling into this ditch of sadness. Now as you have rightly pointed out and very timely, before I fell into depression, I will act, react and come out of this feeling.
DD – This is like my girl, and she hugged me.
I went to deep sleep with a lighter heart and mind.
The next morning was bright and happy. It was a new “me”!
3 thoughts on “A Private Conversation Between Ms. DD and Me”
Covid has indeed penetrated deep into our minds and the effects of it are far from over. I too feel the gloom sometimes like you have mentioned. Wonderful write up.
Very emotional write-up, Neerja. Yes, diaries have the ability to read our thoughts even the ones we don’t want to admit.